Thoughts…

  I Lean- Over the last four months, my life has taken some unexpected turns. Though they be divinely directed, my human heart at times cannot bare the weight of the pain. In these moments I know the strength of my Lord and Savior. These titles are personal to me; my relationship and heart position toward my Creator may be quite different than most may relate. Each person’s walk with God is very individual  and unique. I feel mine is deep and at times desperate. When you literally feel your heart breaking, the pain of loosing your hope and dreams so tangible your human body fails; He was there for me, my sweet Savior standing there with comfort in His eyes and strength unspeakable in His mighty right hand holding up my broken soul. Every step I have made this season has taken me deep into a wilderness. I have dealt with anger and bitterness and the soul’s deep longing to know…why? Why could things not go the way I had planned… Why could my dreams and my hopes not come to fruition… Why did my whole world come crashing down… And then in my sad pathetic pitifully weak human moment of not understanding anything…I chose to lean, lean on my Beloved. He encourages me to take a step of obedience; Obedience  to His sweet voice speaking to my confused soul. In the obedience I find stability for each step. Not for the entire path, for I know not the full journey I’m taking, but just the step for which I’m making. So in obedience, I step deeper into the wilderness. It makes no sense, no logical explanation as to why I would pursue this wilder of pain and all the unknowns of the territory. But the calling of my Beloved saying, “Trust me, watch this!” His provision has surprised me, His strategic plan unfolding as I believe! I lean deeper into Him no matter what others say, no matter how they behave; I’m protected and covered. I am His and He is mine. He holds my future; He is a jealous God, not willing to take second place to any god before Him. He is the author of every line of this Love Story of my soul. So in this chapter, I am being refined and healed in the wilderness. I’m leaning and depending on His strength. Oh how He covers ALL; all my pain, my mistakes, my shame, my failures… He covers it all with His crimson blood shed for me. Knowing He has the end written in letters of deep crimson… My future is already written and stained by His gracious sacrifice. All I hold to is that I WILL rise from this wilderness leaning on my beloved. I WILL rise from this pain and desperation, healed and refined to carry out the author’s plan. For He knows the plans He has for ME! So I lean…